After years of incessant rumours, the news has finally dropped… We now know the identity of the actor playing the next James Bond.
The likes of Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Tom Holland, Harris Dickinson, Scott Rose-Marsh and Callum Turner were rumoured to be in contention for the next superspy, and recent reports suggested that 28-year-old Australian actor Jacob Elordi was the current favourite to play 007.
Now, Euronews Culture can officially end all speculation by revealing that the identity of the new James Bond is… Irish actress and singer Jessie Buckley.
You read correctly: James Bond will be played by a woman for the first time, in the wake of Lashana Lynch briefly taking over the 007 mantle in Daniel Craig’s Bond swansong, 2021’s No Time To Die.
Buckley rose to fame following her role as Rose-Lynn Harlan in Tom Harper’s Wild Rose (2018). The 36-year-old followed that critically acclaimed turn with I’m Thinking of Ending Things, The Lost Daughter, Men and The Bride!, before taking home the Oscar for Best Actress this year for her performance in Chloé Zhao’s Hamnet.
She therefore becomes the first Oscar-winning performer to be cast as Bond.
More casting news was also revealed, with Tom Hiddleston playing the franchise’s first Bond boy – named Fitty McCrotch – and the new M is set to be portrayed by none other than Gillian Anderson. Both frankly inspired choices.
An Amazon spokesperson told Euronews Culture: “We’re distancing ourselves from the previous stance held by franchise head Barbara Broccoli, who said that Bond should only be played by a man. We’re thrilled to have Jessie Buckley on board. Additionally, her initials are also ‘JB’, so that’s delightful. Plus, her singing background makes her the ideal candidate for the project, as we’ve been thinking of adding some musical numbers into the mix.”
Regarding what genre of music could make it into this bold new direction for Bond 26, our source revealed: “Principally folk – the genre Buckley absolutely aced in ‘Wild Rose’, which we recommend as essential viewing before buying a ticket to see the new James Bond film.”
When asked what was behind the gender-flip, the spokesperson replied: “It’s about time that we shook things up, because most audiences would rather drink wasps (shaken and stirred) than see another cookie cutter version of Bond.”
They continued: “Daniel Craig was an inspired casting choice, and he showed how the character could be updated and enriched over his tenure in the role. Very early on in the casting process for Bond 26, we realised that trying to follow in his footsteps was a fool’s errand. So, we’ve decided to opt for a radical new interpretation, one which will doubtlessly spark discussion.”
“And by discussion, we mean rile up countless misogynists whose fragile egos and warped sense of masculinity will be assaulted by this news of a fictional spy being played by a woman,” they clarified.
Asking what plans are in place to not drive away potential audience members who may look at this casting decision and change of tone with apprehension, Euronews Culture was told: “We won’t let the original fans down. They’ll enjoy this new evolution of the espionage world created by Ian Fleming.”
“As for the naysayers, whose ‘hot takes’ on our decision will be tangled in kneejerk sexism and sanity-corroding yet predictable accusations of ‘woke’, we’re banking on the fact they’ll be too busy ‘looksmaxxing’ in order to ‘boost their sexual market value’ to muster the intellectual fortitude to mentally register this announcement.”
The spokesperson concluded by adding: “Down with the manosphere, long live Buckley, and all rise for the absolute screen treasure that is Gillian Anderson… ANDERSON IN THE HOUUUUUSE!”
Well, quite.
Bond 26 will be directed by Denis Villeneuve and is being written by Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight. It will be the first Bond movie since Amazon gained full creative control of the franchise, with long-serving producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson stepping down.
The as-yet-untitled Bond 26 will begin shooting next year, and will be released in 2028. And for those of you who are currently seething, check this article’s publication date and consider seeking some professional help, as the Bond franchise should be so lucky as to have a casting roster this impressive. Happy April Fools.