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“Damn the jellyfish! Damn all the jellyfish!!”
Remember that Friends episode in which a jellyfish stings Monica and Joey steps out of his sandy hole to offer some medical advice?
“There’s really only one thing you can do,” says Joey. “You’re going to have to pee on it.”
When questioned about his emergency cure, he affirms that he saw it on the Discovery Channel – something which Chandler confirms.
“You know what, he’s right. There’s something like ammonia in that which kills the pain.”
Well, if you’re heading to the ocean on your upcoming holidays or just as a way of dealing with skyrocketing temperatures, keep in mind that global warming leads to a larger magnitude of jellyfish blooms. And if you do end up being stung by a jellyfish, please consider that Friends lied to you.
This is one of those cases of pop-culture being taken as gospel, and if you take Joey’s advice at face value, all you’ll have achieved is soiling yourself.
While you’re wrestling with the TV show betrayal or kicking yourself at taking medical advice from a character like Joey, let’s set you straight.
The first thing you need to do if you get stung by a jellyfish is to rinse the area with vinegar, NOT urine – which can, on occasion, increase the risk of infection. Vinegar will prevent further venom release and allow you to safely remove the tentacles from your skin. Just don’t use your hands when you do this.
Granted, not many people bring vinegar to the beach, so seawater can suffice. Don’t use fresh water, as that can make the sting more potent.
Once you get home, what you need is heat. Soak the skin in hot water (45°C is best) to relieve the pain.
In most cases, the pain should subside in 24 hours. If it does not, and you start to feel nausea or have difficulty breathing, get thee to a hospital post-haste, as some species of jellyfish are incredibly toxic and can be dangerous.
So, you can file this Friends factoid alongside other pop-culture urban legends like Kubrick faking the moon landing, Stephen King killing John Lennon, and JonBenét Ramsey growing up to be Katy Perry – sub-category ‘Medicine’, in which you’ll find the dossier on how a cloth soaked in chloroform does not instantly render someone unconscious, despite what many spy thrillers will have taught you, as well as the file on how you should NEVER administer adrenaline directly into the heart, à la Pulp Fiction.
And so as not to completely besmirch the reputation of a beloved show, Friends may have been wrong about alleviating sting pain, but it wasn’t wrong about everything. Unagi is freshwater eel sushi; lobsters do mate for life; and no matter how old you are, follow Phoebe’s advice and never lose touch with your inner child.
Oh, and Ross and Rachel were on a break. Fight me.