The real bombshell is how much Vance and Hegseth despise Europe. This is no way for Commission President Ursula von der Leyen to find out that the two men share a “loathing of European free-loading. It’s PATHETIC.”

Comments such as these require a strong response; our leaders have been planning how to hit back at the U.S. and we have proof (not really).

Declassified was unintentionally added to another group chat — this time on Teams. And we’re very confident the conversation we witnessed and reported below is real and not a figment of our imagination.

QueenVDL: Have you read the Atlantic story? OMG they call us PATHETIC! I don’t understand, things were going so well for our EU-U.S. relations, I even thought of canceling our couple’s therapy sessions. Maybe I should rethink that *sad emoji*

PrincessKaja: Definitely rethink that, queen.

NouveauNapoléon: Guys, have we considered becoming strategically and emotionally autonomous?

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